Wednesday, January 16, 2008
It's midweek, and whilst everyone's at Mambo partying the night away, my eyes are half opened, and I'm completely drained. Not the kind of drained when homework sucks all your intelligence and you can't think of anything to write to make your essay look longer. Neither is it the kind of drained where you suffer from a lack of sleep and any movement you make is fueled by adrenaline.
It's the kind of drained where I'm so tired from carrying around this heavy psychological burden. That, plus the travelling from place to place. Travelling, not from classroom F4.1 to A2.02, but more like the travelling from home, to Bugis, walking to Kelantan Road, walking back to Bugis, taking the MRT to Orchard, before going home. Travelling not for shopping but for interviews.
It's the kind of drained where three days of a routine feels like forever, and I've never wanted a weekend to come so quickly.
7-8am Read Recruits, circle job positions I'd consider taking up.
8-8.30am QT
8.30-9am Breakfast
9-10.30am Calling, inquiring, fixing interview time slots
10.30-11.30am Practice piano.
11.30-12pm Lunch
12-6pm Travelling, interviewing, calling
It's the kind of drained where I am dying to get out of this monotonous routine, and not knowing when or how I can get out of it. The only part of the day that I enjoy doing is QT, and it's half an hour out of 11 hours.
The burden stems from this subject called Income. Having a six month (or as of now, 5 and a half months) break is accompanied by a responsibility to earn some money, to help pay my university fees. The idea was never to let my parents fully fund my education, and since with a Triple D (after moderation) for Prelims I'm never going to get a scholarship... let's just leave it as that.
Besides, most of the classmates and friends have already found jobs. And here I am still searching for The Job that's meant for me. I'm really surprised at how hard it is to find a part-time job. The unemployment rate in Singapore is just too low.
It's the kind of drained when I know I need a break, from thinking and running around, yet tomorrow's another busy day, packed with activities everywhere.
So I travel. And after 16 days of un-concessioned bus and MRT fares, I'm beginning to realise that public transport isn't that affordable anymore, and I start cringing when I travel more than 8 bus stops, which is really little. Which links back to the issue of Income. And I would seriously hate asking for more money, which links back to needing a job.
So much so that Retail Therapy doesn't work anymore. Was at Bugis (again) after the BFF finished work, (see, even she's working), and couldn't buy anything. Couldn't bear to spend, so I didn't try on any tops, any skirts, any dresses. Saw a lot of pretty things, carried a lot of pretty bags, lusted on manicures, and walked away.
I feel like crying. So damn effing helpless. ):